Stepping out and being real

A lot of friends whose blogs I follow share deep personal stuff along with the everyday, and I love to read all of it! The personal challenges and growth others share has been a blessing to me. I learn how they overcome and gain helpful insights from it and it brings the relationship to a deeper level even though we may not see each other much, there's still that personal deeper connection of being real and not just talking about the weather. Relationships are so amazing when there's nothing to hide and when you take risks, debate opinions and are ok with having different views on stuff.
And so, I feel as though I want to open up myself and let people see the real me, without holding back and trying to pretend I have it all together. I have this fear that if someone were to look beyond the surface of me they will be repulsed by the ugliness that is hiding underneath. Recently a friend challenged me (on her blog, actually) to stop pretending I have it all together and be real about every aspect of my daily life. My ultimate hope in doing this is not to have the spotlight on me, but instead that you will see I am just as human as the next person and that God is what keeps me from falling to pieces!! So, I am going to take a leap of faith and share something that is a big part of my life.
About a two and a half years ago I was diagnosed with depression. I fought it for a many years before doing anything about it. I believed I could control it and if I just worked harder at changing myself, I wouldn't struggle with it. Finally it got to the point where my thoughts became very dark and that scared me. So I went to my Dr and he started me on some medication and the change was dramatic. In some ways I felt relief that this was something I needed 'help' conquering and that I wasn't just failing at getting it right. I really felt like a cloud left my head and instead of every little thing irritating me, I felt so free of anger and despair of being out of control. But after a couple of months on the medication, I still felt like I was still trapped and that I had only gained a little more space in my cage. So Trev and I, together, went to counseling. I was uncertain about it because I had tried it before and had been told that they didn't know what was wrong with me and couldn't help me. But with this couple and the Holy Spirit's leading, I began to break thru so many things that were suffocating me and I found more freedom than I'd ever known before. My eyes were opened to a lot of strongholds the devil had on my life. I'd love to say that I don't struggle with depression anymore, but then I'd be lying or in serious denial and given my family's history with mental illness (depression, manic depression, bi-polar) chances are this could be a lifetime struggle that I can choose to let control me and bring me and everyone around me down, or I can accept it and live, as best I can, the life God has planned for me. There are days I struggle just to want to get out of bed and do what needs doing for that day. Some days that I do get out of bed, I probably shouldn't have. Some days are harder, much harder, than others and some days are amazing and great. It's a constant struggle. God has been so good to me, He's the one I cry out to in my low moments, He cheers me on and encourages me in the good moments and He's the one who has helped pull me out of dark places just by shining His light, His Truth on the lies in my life. He comforts me, He loves me no matter how nasty I get and He always hopes and expects better for me. He has surrounded me with amazing friends and family and the most amazing husband, Trevor, who doesn't deserve the junk I have, but loves me regardless and supports and encourages me and prays for me constantly. God has blessed us with the most amazing girls, who are teaching me everyday about God's unconditional love and so much about how and why He loves each one of us. God has taught me so much thru them, and all the people who are in my life, I am so blessed by each one! So now that this ugly blemish is exposed I feel a freedom to be myself and be a better wife, mother, sister, daughter and friend.